Decision Making: A process, not an event.
So what is the process? Well, just remember the 6 C's:
Construct: a clear picture of what must be decided
Compile: a list of requirements
Collect: information on alternatives that meet requirements
Compare: alternatives that meet requirements
Consider: what might go wrong
Commit: decide and follow through
Now that you know the process, allow me to walk you through an example in my own life.
One of my leadership positions is as a councilor in the relief society presidency of my ward. A problem we have noticed is our ladies are suffering from a low self-esteem with the difficult change from moving to college this freshman year. So, I needed to decide what to do to help them.
Construct: What to do to best serve the chicas in my ward in order to help them understand their individual, divine worth.
Compile: Needs to help everyone, can be completed in a timely manner, focuses on their divine worth, strengthens their relationship with the Lord, and makes difference :)
Collect: Send secret compliments to the individuals, stop by each door and bond, notice divine attributes of each girl, teach a lesson on divine worth, and plan activities on the principle
Compare: While compliments are always nice, they do not have a lasting impact. They also focus on the physical qualities of the girls, instead of the more important divine gifts we are each blessed with. Thus, noticing and recognizing them for their individual talents and specialties will be more beneficial. By teaching a lesson the lovely ladies may learn something and feel the spirit, but it'll only carry with them for the next week. However, if we also keep reiterating the principle in future activities it may be more impactful.
Consider: One thing that could go wrong is that girls are not recognized equally. This would be detrimental to what I am trying to achieve. Another thing would be that the chicas aren't receptive to my efforts and still feel insecure and out of place.
Commit: I will commit to recognizing each girl's divinely given gifts by secretly giving them notes over time. I will also study the principles of individual worth and divine potential to be able to teach it in a lesson, as well as relate it to each Sunday's lesson. This I will commit to.
Well, then why isn't everyone making decisions so easily?
Problems: people encounter when making decisions is that they play it safe, are afraid of influence, caught up in the thick of thin things, seek approval, begin without enough information, and they don't know what they want.
So what decisions do you need to make?
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Time Management- Just 24 hours a day, how will you spend them?
The To-Do list of Time Management:
1. Change attitude: Instead of juggling so many different tasks within an allotted time, orchestrate them. Allow yourself to multi-task and have them all go together.
For me, juggling is when I have my calling, friends, studies, and cleaning. However, orchestrating is when I study with friends, clean my room with my roommate, and fulfill my calling by bonding with the relief society during study sessions and other socializing. This is how I orchestrate my life instead of juggling it.
2. Check motives: Why is a bee praised, while a mosquito is swatted? Although they both sting, bees do it for the purpose of self-defense, while the mosquito does it for the selfish purpose of sucking blood.
For me, I need to check whether the motive of my actions serve a righteous purpose or not. In the past 48 hours, things I've done with a good motive are studying, cleaning, go to class, relief society presidency meeting, and visit with friends. Things I've done that have not served a beneficial purpose would be spending time on facebook, searching online at apartments, and too much socializing.
3. Simplify: Don't get caught in the thick of thin things
For me, I believe I am good at mastering this element of time management. My personality is not a perfectionist and I do not spend to much time getting bogged down in trivial details. As a result, I am efficient with my time and am less stressed.
4. Intentional & Accountable: Be intentional with your actions and hold yourself accountable.
For me, well I'm not really sure how to be more intentional with my actions. As a student I go to classes and then study. Thus, my intention is to do well in school and I am successful at this because I do go to class and study. I am held accountable by my final grade.
My vision (as stated at the beginning of my blogging): To live a life that will inspire my family and those I serve and love to follow Christ that I may be able to spend the next life with them.
In order to achieve my vision I need to utilize my time wisely. After evaluating my time management... I naturally created goals to improve it:
- To not be on the computer (non-academically) for more than 5 minutes at a given time, but I may take several computer breaks while studying.
- I will complete my studies that are due the next day in the library where I know I can be efficient. When I do this I won't bring my laptop, so that I will be more productive in my reading without getting distracted by the computer. I'll also bring snacks and listen to music to liven the experience :)
By creating goals for time management centered around efficient studying, I will have allowed myself more time for friendships, family, and service.
Video: Check out the following video about how the Killer's singer, Brandon Flowers, has chosen to spend his time now as a father... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PF0h7oqUEQ
1. Change attitude: Instead of juggling so many different tasks within an allotted time, orchestrate them. Allow yourself to multi-task and have them all go together.
For me, juggling is when I have my calling, friends, studies, and cleaning. However, orchestrating is when I study with friends, clean my room with my roommate, and fulfill my calling by bonding with the relief society during study sessions and other socializing. This is how I orchestrate my life instead of juggling it.
2. Check motives: Why is a bee praised, while a mosquito is swatted? Although they both sting, bees do it for the purpose of self-defense, while the mosquito does it for the selfish purpose of sucking blood.
For me, I need to check whether the motive of my actions serve a righteous purpose or not. In the past 48 hours, things I've done with a good motive are studying, cleaning, go to class, relief society presidency meeting, and visit with friends. Things I've done that have not served a beneficial purpose would be spending time on facebook, searching online at apartments, and too much socializing.
3. Simplify: Don't get caught in the thick of thin things
For me, I believe I am good at mastering this element of time management. My personality is not a perfectionist and I do not spend to much time getting bogged down in trivial details. As a result, I am efficient with my time and am less stressed.
4. Intentional & Accountable: Be intentional with your actions and hold yourself accountable.
For me, well I'm not really sure how to be more intentional with my actions. As a student I go to classes and then study. Thus, my intention is to do well in school and I am successful at this because I do go to class and study. I am held accountable by my final grade.
My vision (as stated at the beginning of my blogging): To live a life that will inspire my family and those I serve and love to follow Christ that I may be able to spend the next life with them.
In order to achieve my vision I need to utilize my time wisely. After evaluating my time management... I naturally created goals to improve it:
- To not be on the computer (non-academically) for more than 5 minutes at a given time, but I may take several computer breaks while studying.
- I will complete my studies that are due the next day in the library where I know I can be efficient. When I do this I won't bring my laptop, so that I will be more productive in my reading without getting distracted by the computer. I'll also bring snacks and listen to music to liven the experience :)
By creating goals for time management centered around efficient studying, I will have allowed myself more time for friendships, family, and service.
Video: Check out the following video about how the Killer's singer, Brandon Flowers, has chosen to spend his time now as a father... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PF0h7oqUEQ
Time management is not about managing time, but managing ourselves within the time.
So how will you manage yourself?
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Teamwork- Its all about relationships
Tom Holmoe, BYU Athletic Director and three time superbowl winner, spoke to our class today on teamwork. He started off stating to us that teamwork is all about relationships. I thought this was interesting considering that the word 'teamwork' bring to mind images of the the football team....and he's telling us that the most important thing about that big group of sweaty, masculine boys is relationships. Well, by the end of his lecture I realized he was right...and here's why.
There are two types of people in the world: Fire fighters and Fire lighters. Fire fighters are those that throw cold water on others' fires. Fire lighters are those that go out of their way to build others' fires. Their fire being their passion, enthusiasm, confidence in life.
There are many firelighters in my life, but I'd like to tell you about a few of them...
Cooper- A fellow student at BYU, I met Cooper at the first stake dance of the school year. Ever since I have been so impressed with him and his ability to be a fire lighter. When walking around campus together, he will stop to talk to everyone. And I mean everyone. He knows them all by name and is able to ask personal questions about their life and leave them with a smile on their faces. Not only does he know everyone, but everyone truely considers Cooper their friend. When you're with him he will laugh at every joke you say. He'll honestly compliment you and care about how you are doing. His joy and enthusiasm is contagious, thus everyone wants to be around him. And when they leave him, they leave with a smile on their face and their fire light a little bit more.
My mommasita- I believe my mom to be the most influential fire lighter in my life, naturally. There have been numerous instances where I have come to mom with some sort of silly drama, concern, or problem and she has helped build me up and send me on my way to success. For example, in the morning I would be up at 4:50 a.m. for seminary to find a note on the counter reading "Have a great day! I love you, Mom". Also, she has a few key firelighting phases that she applies to my various upsetting situations: "Her behavior is a result of her own insecurity", "You are just a confident, well rounded person I am so impressed with", "there's a jack for every jill", and "it only takes one guy".
Donald Crouch- When James Earl Jones' dad left at a young age, he and his mom lived with his grandparents. They moved around a lot and he had a very unstable childhood. As a result, James had a speech impediment and refused to ever talk, becoming mute. As a result, he loved to write poetry as a way to vocalize his thoughts. One day his high school english teacher, Proffesor Crouch, announced in front of the class that there was no way that the poem could be written by James with his speech impediment. James was furious to be accused of cheating and not being the owner of his works. So Professor Crouch challenged him to come recite the poem in front of the class from memory. James Earl Gray did just that without even the slightest stutter. James Earl Jones, today, is known for his voice as darth vader, mufasa, and on CNN.
There was a study conducted that tested how long individuals could keep their foot in a bucket of ice water. They found the the average person can tolerate pain twice as long when they're with someone. With that said check out this video from Facing the Giants...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-vB59PkB0eQ
With fire lighters in our life, we can endure twice as much. By being a fire lighter, we can help others endure twice as much.
I plan to be a fire lighter. With my calling being a councilor in the relief society presidency I am in a position of leadership where I can serve and influence others. I am specificly set apart with a blessing to be able to receive spiritual revelation for the lovely ladies. Thus, I can use this inspiration to help them. I plan to pray for them every night. I keep them in my thoughts always, especially those whom I am prompted to help. In this case, I am simply a fire lighter in the Lord's hands and I can't wait to see what all he will have me do. I love this opportunity to be a fire lighter!
So what will you be, a fire fighter or fire lighter? How?
5 Dysfunctions of a Team
1. Absence of trust: To understand this concept we played a game. In the game, we had to choose X or Y on each turn. If everyone chose Y then we got 1 point each and if everyone chose X we each lost 1 point. There were other scores available inbetween for a variation of Xs and Ys within the group. The group couldn't communicate before each choice. I chose Y each time in hopes that all my teammates would do the same and we'd all win. However, Jenny was the only other one consistantly choosing Y. As a result I was loosing. Then, Macy allowed us to communicate as a team before the round that would be worth 100 points. Naturally, our team chose to each do Y. However, I raised an X instead resulting in me earning 100 points and the rest loosing 300 points each. Everyone was shocked. However, after I had willing took all those hits raising Y waiting for my teammates to join me and they never did...I didn't trust them and was ready to win for once. There was no trust within our group which is why there was never a round of everyone choosing Y.
2. Fear of Conflict: The most important team I am a member of is my family. In my family, my conflict management style is avoidance; I have a fear of conflict. Specifically, with my mother. However, my mom likes to talk everything out; she likes to fully work through a conflict. As a result, my fear of conflict and her desire to work through conflict are not compatable. I usually have to overcome my fear of conflict and solve the problem with her. This is healthier for our relationship.
3. Lack of Commitment: A team that I love and hold dearly to my heart is my former Laurel class. During my first year as a Laurel, I had not completed any of the necessary project or values to earn my Personal Progress medallion. I was not committed to the program because I felt I was already going to seminary, three hours of church, mutual, and was very active in the church and following the standards, so I didn't need to do the program. However, shortly after I turned seventeen I became Laurel Class President. Once I became President I felt it was important for me to complete the program in order to encourage other girls to. This caused me to become committed. As a result, I earned my Personal Progress Medallion and watched as other Laurels worked towards completing theirs.
4. Avoidance of Accountability: As ASB President I was in several different teams throughout the year to plan various events. My greatest weaknesses is that I don't hold others accountable for what they are asked to do for the project. I avoid hold others accountable. The result is often me completing their tasks. I get frustrated. I am overwhelmed. Thus, the end product is not as succesful. A specific example is a girl whom I had asked to order props for the pep assembly. I gave her plenty of time to do this. On the last possible day to order them I noticed she still hadn't done it. So, I went ahead and ordered them for her. Due to my rushed and frazzled state we did not have the appropriate number of props of even the best ones available. I should've held her accountable to what she had been asked to do.
5. Inattention to Result: For the past couple of christmas's I have worked as a seller for Nordstrom. We consider the sellers in our department to be a sales team. Although our manager would like to think we are all working towards a common goal of increasing the sales for our department, we actually our inattentive to that result. Instead, each seller is soley focused on their personal sales. With our salaries being commision based upon our total sales, we are each attentive to our individual results. This is never as successful as working as a team to sell a person clothing from the various brands of the department (as each seller has their favorite brands). Also, if one person has too many customers another seller who isn't helping anyone yet could give them more attention and have more success for the whole department. This is an example of how inattention to a result hinders our sales team.
What will you do to make sure your team doesn't experience these dysfunctions?
There are two types of people in the world: Fire fighters and Fire lighters. Fire fighters are those that throw cold water on others' fires. Fire lighters are those that go out of their way to build others' fires. Their fire being their passion, enthusiasm, confidence in life.
There are many firelighters in my life, but I'd like to tell you about a few of them...
Cooper- A fellow student at BYU, I met Cooper at the first stake dance of the school year. Ever since I have been so impressed with him and his ability to be a fire lighter. When walking around campus together, he will stop to talk to everyone. And I mean everyone. He knows them all by name and is able to ask personal questions about their life and leave them with a smile on their faces. Not only does he know everyone, but everyone truely considers Cooper their friend. When you're with him he will laugh at every joke you say. He'll honestly compliment you and care about how you are doing. His joy and enthusiasm is contagious, thus everyone wants to be around him. And when they leave him, they leave with a smile on their face and their fire light a little bit more.
My mommasita- I believe my mom to be the most influential fire lighter in my life, naturally. There have been numerous instances where I have come to mom with some sort of silly drama, concern, or problem and she has helped build me up and send me on my way to success. For example, in the morning I would be up at 4:50 a.m. for seminary to find a note on the counter reading "Have a great day! I love you, Mom". Also, she has a few key firelighting phases that she applies to my various upsetting situations: "Her behavior is a result of her own insecurity", "You are just a confident, well rounded person I am so impressed with", "there's a jack for every jill", and "it only takes one guy".
Donald Crouch- When James Earl Jones' dad left at a young age, he and his mom lived with his grandparents. They moved around a lot and he had a very unstable childhood. As a result, James had a speech impediment and refused to ever talk, becoming mute. As a result, he loved to write poetry as a way to vocalize his thoughts. One day his high school english teacher, Proffesor Crouch, announced in front of the class that there was no way that the poem could be written by James with his speech impediment. James was furious to be accused of cheating and not being the owner of his works. So Professor Crouch challenged him to come recite the poem in front of the class from memory. James Earl Gray did just that without even the slightest stutter. James Earl Jones, today, is known for his voice as darth vader, mufasa, and on CNN.
There was a study conducted that tested how long individuals could keep their foot in a bucket of ice water. They found the the average person can tolerate pain twice as long when they're with someone. With that said check out this video from Facing the Giants...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-vB59PkB0eQ
With fire lighters in our life, we can endure twice as much. By being a fire lighter, we can help others endure twice as much.
I plan to be a fire lighter. With my calling being a councilor in the relief society presidency I am in a position of leadership where I can serve and influence others. I am specificly set apart with a blessing to be able to receive spiritual revelation for the lovely ladies. Thus, I can use this inspiration to help them. I plan to pray for them every night. I keep them in my thoughts always, especially those whom I am prompted to help. In this case, I am simply a fire lighter in the Lord's hands and I can't wait to see what all he will have me do. I love this opportunity to be a fire lighter!
So what will you be, a fire fighter or fire lighter? How?
5 Dysfunctions of a Team
1. Absence of trust: To understand this concept we played a game. In the game, we had to choose X or Y on each turn. If everyone chose Y then we got 1 point each and if everyone chose X we each lost 1 point. There were other scores available inbetween for a variation of Xs and Ys within the group. The group couldn't communicate before each choice. I chose Y each time in hopes that all my teammates would do the same and we'd all win. However, Jenny was the only other one consistantly choosing Y. As a result I was loosing. Then, Macy allowed us to communicate as a team before the round that would be worth 100 points. Naturally, our team chose to each do Y. However, I raised an X instead resulting in me earning 100 points and the rest loosing 300 points each. Everyone was shocked. However, after I had willing took all those hits raising Y waiting for my teammates to join me and they never did...I didn't trust them and was ready to win for once. There was no trust within our group which is why there was never a round of everyone choosing Y.
2. Fear of Conflict: The most important team I am a member of is my family. In my family, my conflict management style is avoidance; I have a fear of conflict. Specifically, with my mother. However, my mom likes to talk everything out; she likes to fully work through a conflict. As a result, my fear of conflict and her desire to work through conflict are not compatable. I usually have to overcome my fear of conflict and solve the problem with her. This is healthier for our relationship.
3. Lack of Commitment: A team that I love and hold dearly to my heart is my former Laurel class. During my first year as a Laurel, I had not completed any of the necessary project or values to earn my Personal Progress medallion. I was not committed to the program because I felt I was already going to seminary, three hours of church, mutual, and was very active in the church and following the standards, so I didn't need to do the program. However, shortly after I turned seventeen I became Laurel Class President. Once I became President I felt it was important for me to complete the program in order to encourage other girls to. This caused me to become committed. As a result, I earned my Personal Progress Medallion and watched as other Laurels worked towards completing theirs.
4. Avoidance of Accountability: As ASB President I was in several different teams throughout the year to plan various events. My greatest weaknesses is that I don't hold others accountable for what they are asked to do for the project. I avoid hold others accountable. The result is often me completing their tasks. I get frustrated. I am overwhelmed. Thus, the end product is not as succesful. A specific example is a girl whom I had asked to order props for the pep assembly. I gave her plenty of time to do this. On the last possible day to order them I noticed she still hadn't done it. So, I went ahead and ordered them for her. Due to my rushed and frazzled state we did not have the appropriate number of props of even the best ones available. I should've held her accountable to what she had been asked to do.
5. Inattention to Result: For the past couple of christmas's I have worked as a seller for Nordstrom. We consider the sellers in our department to be a sales team. Although our manager would like to think we are all working towards a common goal of increasing the sales for our department, we actually our inattentive to that result. Instead, each seller is soley focused on their personal sales. With our salaries being commision based upon our total sales, we are each attentive to our individual results. This is never as successful as working as a team to sell a person clothing from the various brands of the department (as each seller has their favorite brands). Also, if one person has too many customers another seller who isn't helping anyone yet could give them more attention and have more success for the whole department. This is an example of how inattention to a result hinders our sales team.
What will you do to make sure your team doesn't experience these dysfunctions?
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Conflict- Awh shoot, its necessary?
We took a short quiz today in class to help define what our individual strategies are for handling conflict, well I wasn't surprised to find out my top two results...
1. Avoid It is unassertive and uncooperative. When avoiding, an individual does not address the conflict. Avoiding may take the form of side-stepping an issue or simply withdrawing from a threatening situation.
2. Compete It is assertive and uncooperative- a power-oriented mode. When competing, an individual pursues his or her own concerns at the other person's expense, using whatever power seems appropriate to win his or her position- the ability to argue, rank, economic sanctions, and so no. Competing may also mean standing up for rights, beliefs, or simply to try to win.
I had previously thought that these two conflict management styles were contradictory to each other as one is extremely unassertive, while the other is very assertive. However, our lecturer defined two types of conflict...person and issue. It is then that I realized I avoid conflict in relationships and friendships, but compete in conflict over issues.
I feel as though the weaknesses of these are very obvious, so I'd like to start by defending my natural conflict style by stating the strengths of these styles...
Avoidance- My life remains pretty free of drama. I always have good relations with people as I never confront them with any issues. I stay out of any conflict, even if it is my own. As a result, I have lots of friendships and no hard feelings with anyone.
Compete- I prefer to view this strategy as being a reflection of a driven personality. I am simply driven and ambitious so I can be aggressive about my opinions on issues. I often feel as though my way is best, thus speak my mind on issues. As a result, I get my way: projects get completed well, I win debates, and everyone, well mostly me, are happy. (Okay, so this is a selfish way of thinking. Please note that I am simply stating the benefits of being competitive)*.
So, I am not so naive that I don't recognize the weaknesses of these styles, nor am I avoiding it...
Avoidance- When a conflict is avoided, there can't be any resolution. Resolutions from conflict can allow for progress in a relationship, project, issue, etc. Also, by avoiding a conflict it can allow it to fester and cause others to be more emotional and frustrated.
Compete- The problem with competing is that others struggle to get their voices hear. Sometime (and only sometimes ;) others can have a better idea. Even if their idea isn't better, it is respectful to hear all perspectives on an issue or project in order for everyone to feel ownership in the project.
If you find that you also use the avoidance style of conflict management...
Are decisions on important issues made by default? Does it sometimes appear that people are "walking on eggshells"? Do people sometimes have trouble getting your input on issues?
For me, I avoid conflict with people, not issues. Thus, these questions don't apply to me. However, I do notice the effects of my conflict style.
For example, when my mom and I get in a disagreement...
Me- I walk out of the room. I go to my room and wait it out. I'll do homework, read, or go to bed. After a length of time I'll come back down and see my mom acting as if nothing happened.
Mom- She will stomp around the house filled with contention. She will allow the disagreement to fester within her and she'll get increasingly angrier.
The result: When I reappear acting as if nothing happened, she yells to release her growing frustration. She will not allow the issue to die until we have completely talked through the entire issue. So, I have to force myself to go with her conflict style and get over my own fear of conflict.
If you find that you also use the competing style of conflict management...
Are you surrounded with "yes" people? Are employees afraid to admit ignorance and uncertainties to you?
For me, I am competitive when it comes to issues. I am notorious for debating politics, standing up for my beliefs, and being a little stubborn.
For example, when I was in sixth grade I was already very definite in my political beliefs. At this time, Bush had just won his second reelection. I was sitting in science class the next morning explaining to all those around me why he was the better candidate and rightly won. I was also informing them of why the Iraq War was necessary to defend our nation at that time. My science teacher, standing at 6'2" with a big burly beard, leaned over me and yelled at me for my political beliefs. He chewed me out for my republican stance saying that I was simply regurgitating what my parents had told me. Well, he was my teacher so I couldn't say much more to him than that I believed I was right. Despite this intimidating encounter with my teacher, I was still defiant in my stance on the war and our president...and I politely let him know that :)
I have thoroughly explained to you my conflict management styles of avoidance and competition. So, now I have made a plan to help me deal with my natural reactions in conflict to make them productive.
My Conflict Management Plan for Competing:
My physiological response to conflict with an issue: That giant knot in my chest I am getting just thinking about it.
Natural thoughts when in a conflict: "Why don't they hear what I'm saying? They just don't get it. I'm right and my idea is better"
Steps I can take:
How do you manage conflict? How can you improve it?
*disclaimer: My personality and conflict strategy are not solely defined by a 20 question quiz, so don't think that this is how my personality is, please :)
1. Avoid It is unassertive and uncooperative. When avoiding, an individual does not address the conflict. Avoiding may take the form of side-stepping an issue or simply withdrawing from a threatening situation.
2. Compete It is assertive and uncooperative- a power-oriented mode. When competing, an individual pursues his or her own concerns at the other person's expense, using whatever power seems appropriate to win his or her position- the ability to argue, rank, economic sanctions, and so no. Competing may also mean standing up for rights, beliefs, or simply to try to win.
I had previously thought that these two conflict management styles were contradictory to each other as one is extremely unassertive, while the other is very assertive. However, our lecturer defined two types of conflict...person and issue. It is then that I realized I avoid conflict in relationships and friendships, but compete in conflict over issues.
I feel as though the weaknesses of these are very obvious, so I'd like to start by defending my natural conflict style by stating the strengths of these styles...
Avoidance- My life remains pretty free of drama. I always have good relations with people as I never confront them with any issues. I stay out of any conflict, even if it is my own. As a result, I have lots of friendships and no hard feelings with anyone.
Compete- I prefer to view this strategy as being a reflection of a driven personality. I am simply driven and ambitious so I can be aggressive about my opinions on issues. I often feel as though my way is best, thus speak my mind on issues. As a result, I get my way: projects get completed well, I win debates, and everyone, well mostly me, are happy. (Okay, so this is a selfish way of thinking. Please note that I am simply stating the benefits of being competitive)*.
So, I am not so naive that I don't recognize the weaknesses of these styles, nor am I avoiding it...
Avoidance- When a conflict is avoided, there can't be any resolution. Resolutions from conflict can allow for progress in a relationship, project, issue, etc. Also, by avoiding a conflict it can allow it to fester and cause others to be more emotional and frustrated.
Compete- The problem with competing is that others struggle to get their voices hear. Sometime (and only sometimes ;) others can have a better idea. Even if their idea isn't better, it is respectful to hear all perspectives on an issue or project in order for everyone to feel ownership in the project.
If you find that you also use the avoidance style of conflict management...
Are decisions on important issues made by default? Does it sometimes appear that people are "walking on eggshells"? Do people sometimes have trouble getting your input on issues?
For me, I avoid conflict with people, not issues. Thus, these questions don't apply to me. However, I do notice the effects of my conflict style.
For example, when my mom and I get in a disagreement...
Me- I walk out of the room. I go to my room and wait it out. I'll do homework, read, or go to bed. After a length of time I'll come back down and see my mom acting as if nothing happened.
Mom- She will stomp around the house filled with contention. She will allow the disagreement to fester within her and she'll get increasingly angrier.
The result: When I reappear acting as if nothing happened, she yells to release her growing frustration. She will not allow the issue to die until we have completely talked through the entire issue. So, I have to force myself to go with her conflict style and get over my own fear of conflict.
If you find that you also use the competing style of conflict management...
Are you surrounded with "yes" people? Are employees afraid to admit ignorance and uncertainties to you?
For me, I am competitive when it comes to issues. I am notorious for debating politics, standing up for my beliefs, and being a little stubborn.
For example, when I was in sixth grade I was already very definite in my political beliefs. At this time, Bush had just won his second reelection. I was sitting in science class the next morning explaining to all those around me why he was the better candidate and rightly won. I was also informing them of why the Iraq War was necessary to defend our nation at that time. My science teacher, standing at 6'2" with a big burly beard, leaned over me and yelled at me for my political beliefs. He chewed me out for my republican stance saying that I was simply regurgitating what my parents had told me. Well, he was my teacher so I couldn't say much more to him than that I believed I was right. Despite this intimidating encounter with my teacher, I was still defiant in my stance on the war and our president...and I politely let him know that :)
I have thoroughly explained to you my conflict management styles of avoidance and competition. So, now I have made a plan to help me deal with my natural reactions in conflict to make them productive.
My Conflict Management Plan for Competing:
My physiological response to conflict with an issue: That giant knot in my chest I am getting just thinking about it.
Natural thoughts when in a conflict: "Why don't they hear what I'm saying? They just don't get it. I'm right and my idea is better"
Steps I can take:
- Deep breath
- Listen to the other person's point of view, idea, etc..
- Identify the strengths, weaknesses of their idea, plan, etc..
- Then, vocalize my idea
- Identify the strengths, weaknesses of my idea, plan, etc...
- With the group make a collaborative decision, compromise, resolution
How do you manage conflict? How can you improve it?
*disclaimer: My personality and conflict strategy are not solely defined by a 20 question quiz, so don't think that this is how my personality is, please :)
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